The Victim Mentality

Photo by Francisco Gonzalez on Unsplash — It’s okay to be upset for 5 minutes. Then, it’s time to move on and seek a solution to your problem.

This might just be the #1 success killer.


Because it keeps you in a victim mindset.

Just think about all the highly successful people you’ve ever heard of.

Do you think they act like a victim of circumstance?

Or do you think they are great at reacting to adversity?

Because that is the difference right there.

What is the victim mentality exactly?

It’s when you live your life thinking that everything bad happens to you, specifically.

It’s when you live your life thinking that you are especially unlucky. You have it way worse than everyone else. Somehow, everyone else’s lives are perfect and you are the one who suffers the most.

The most dangerous thing about the victim mentality is that most people who suffer from it actually ENJOY IT on some subconscious level.

The reasons why can be many, but mostly it’s rooted in a lack of attention as a child.

When children feel like nobody pays attention to them, that can be extremely hurtful. Children thrive off of social interaction, it’s what makes them happiest.

So, if you don’t pay attention to them, they will naturally feel lonely.

However, one day something may happen and they get hurt and suddenly, they get A LOT of attention.

This happens quite often. Even the most negligent parents can go on high alert if they think their child’s life is in danger. It’s, of course, natural.

But the only conclusion a child can come to from this is something along the lines of “If I’m fine, nobody cares about me. But if I’m hurt or crying, people will pay attention to me and even worry about me!”

So, they start to associate being in a negative state with a reward.

Then they grow up and are simply addicted to being the victim of their own circumstances.

None of this is logical, it’s all emotional. So, you can’t exactly logically explain to someone that they’re acting as victims and they’ll have an epiphany and change. There’s no way that will happen.

Since they’re addicted to it, naturally they just keep doing it.

It’s always something like:

“I just got fired. This is so terrible! Of course it happened to me. It always does. Why do bad things only happen to me? It’s that other guy who should have been fired, but obviously it was me instead. I always take the hit”

They live their lives in a constant narrative that the universe and everyone in it is against them.

And what is the goal of this mentality as an adult? It’s not attention. Because that stops working once you’ve grown up.

The new goal is not facing reality.

They don’t want to face that they are where they are due to their actions.

They don’t want to face the fact that their “crappy life” is their fault.

And it’s VERY easy to be a victim because then you have no power over your reality. You’re just a victim. You can’t change anything.

At least that’s what they tell themselves.

But it is SO much more powerful to face yourself and say:

“You are where you are because of your decisions. Sure, maybe other people have had it easier, but why does that matter? Focus on yourself, not others. If you had focused on yourself, you would probably be in a better place by now. But it’s okay. Since it’s all my fault, that means I have all the power and control I need to change reality. It’s to make a change.”

These are two COMPLETELY opposite mindsets.

Which one do you think makes you achieve your goals in life?

Which one do you think ends up with the person being happy about their life?

It’s a no-brainer.

But to make that switch is extremely hard.

First, you need to become self-aware.

Then, you need to make a TRUE commitment with yourself that you will change.

And finally, you need to keep going until you’ve changed. It won’t happen overnight. It WILL take time and you WILL have to stick through it. You will have to be truly resilient because changing isn’t easy — that’s why most people don’t change.

But one word of general advice: if it’s easy, it’s probably not worth it. If it’s hard, always go for it, even if it’s just for the challenge. It will make you grow.

The point of this article is to help people to understand why someone would live their lives with a victim mindset and also to hopefully inspire someone out there to CHANGE their mindset completely.

For as long as you live with a victim mentality, you don’t stand a chance. You’ll never achieve what you want.

But if you make the change and start seeing what happens to you as things happening FOR you, then your life can change as well.

Stop being dramatic. Stop being negative. Stop being a pessimist.

What benefit has that ever brought you?

If you answered “It keeps me from being disappointed”, then stop being so afraid of disappointment.

Instead, first learn how to manage your expectations and then learn how to deal with disappointments.

Quick hint: you deal with them by carrying on. You keep going. You figure out different ways to go about it.

Above all, you never give up. You never even consider the option of giving up on yourself.

Start loving yourself and quit the victim act NOW.

Become solution-oriented, not problem-oriented.

You’ll be forever grateful to yourself that you made that change.

Never stop hustling & never stop dreaming,

- Dez

P.S. I’m a Success Coach and I’d be happy to help you lose your victim mentality if you think you could use some help! You can check out my official website for more information



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