How To Destroy Negative Self-Talk

Photo by Alysha Rosly on Unsplash — Writing down positive things can definitely help

I think a huge majority of people are so used to constantly talking shit to themselves that they all just think it’s normal. So normal that it doesn’t even harm you in any way…

But that could not be any more wrong.

Think about it. You’ve probably received enough criticism from other people to last you a lifetime. Although nobody should be subjected to cruel criticism, we all still hear it in our lives.

So… why would YOU also join in on the cruel criticism of yourself? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should tell yourself you’re perfect regardless of who you are or what you do. We should always live with a growth mindset, but that doesn’t mean the current you sucks.

What I am saying is love yourself regardless of what may happen. Always stay humble and always love yourself. You’re the only one who will truly always be there for you, so why would you throw away a good relationship with yourself?

It truly makes no sense to treat yourself any worse than you would treat your best friend. Because YOU SHOULD BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.

And the best part? It’s SUPER easy to stop engaging in negative self-talk.

But before that, let me just show you how ridiculous it is to be your biggest hater.

There was a study once where they had people write down on a piece of paper everything negative that they’ve ever told themselves. (If you want, you can stop reading right now and do this exercise yourself and then get back to this)

So, the subjects of the study did just that. They wrote down the typical stuff people tell themselves when they’re feeling down:

“You’re super f*cking lazy”

“You can never get anything right”

“Why do you always push people out of your life?”

“I wish I didn’t have to see your stupid face every day”

“I hate the way you look”

“I knew I wouldn’t make it, I’m not good enough”


The first thing I want to mention about this is that the origin for all of your insecurities or things you dislike about yourself probably comes from somebody else insulting you somehow.
Someone who tells themselves they hate the way they look only says that because they’ve felt (or been told) that other people don’t like the way they look.

So, my first point here is the hell with what other people have said about you! When people criticize others, they’re actually just exposing their own insecurities, so their opinion about you is most likely fictitious.

But, going back to the study, while the test subjects were writing down their negative thoughts about themselves, the creators of the study were bringing the subjects’ family members (most of the time their younger brother/sister or their mothers) into a room next to them.

After they had finished writing everything down, they were asked to go into the other room and read them out loud to their family member. But not just reading it out loud, they were told to go there and insult their family members in the exact same way they insult themselves all the time.

What was everybody’s reaction? Everyone absolutely refused. They reacted by saying that they could never do that!

Of course, at this point, the study creators just said “So, why would you talk to yourself that way?

Obviously, nobody gave a good answer. There isn’t one.

There is absolutely NO REASON to talk down on yourself. You have to be your own biggest cheerleader. That’s how you’ll know you’ll always have someone who will be there for you. That somebody is you.

Now, how do you cut out negative self-talk?

You can start by developing a better relationship with yourself. Don’t be so afraid of being alone. Allow yourself to spend time with only yourself. Allow yourself to hear your own thoughts once in a while. Allow yourself to get to know yourself better. Don’t be afraid of what you’ll learn because you must accept yourself for whoever it is that you are. No judgments.

Meditation can help, but it’s not mandatory.

The way to stop it is to start looking out for when you do engage in that behavior of negative self-talk. By now it’s a habit, so it will take a while for it to be completely gone.

But from now on, I challenge you to watch what you say when you’re talking about yourself or to yourself.

Never say “I am” followed by something negative. Just changing the way you word a statement will make a HUGE difference. For example, instead of saying “I guess I’m just lazy”, try saying “I guess I’ve just been feeling lazy”.

It’s a subtle change but it makes ALL the difference.

Next time you catch yourself saying “I suck”, quickly apologize to yourself. And do it for real. “Sorry, I don’t suck. I just could’ve done this better and next time I will!”. Or, let’s imagine you say “Why am I like this?”. At this point, instead of leaving it as a negative rhetorical question, follow it up by “Oh, that’s right, because I’m awesome haha. No but for real, I just need to improve on this specific thing. I’m still awesome”.

Are you understanding the mindset I’m talking about?

These little differences, over time, will completely change how you feel about yourself.

Try them out, you’ve got NOTHING to lose!

Never stop loving yourself,

- Dez

P.S. I’m a Life & Business Coach and I’d be happy to help you destroy your negative self-talk if you think you could use some help! You can check out my official website for more information

(P.P.S. You can book a 100% free call with me!)




I’m a Life Consultant writing about topics that help people around the world with mindset struggles. You can learn more about me here:

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I’m a Life Consultant writing about topics that help people around the world with mindset struggles. You can learn more about me here:

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